AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Lawyer jokes and funny stories.

A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney,
feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of
hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied.

"The judge'll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We're dead!"

"I don't think so," his attorney told him. "I sent it in the
other lawyer's name!"

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of
your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I
wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he
have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he
wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and
asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the
lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied,
"When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same
way."

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights
broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the
offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a
note stuck under the windshield wiper.
"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw
the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think
I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

What do you call an honest lawyer?

An oxymoron.